exhausted.

hey all --

i'm beat, but i wanted to write a quick something something. i'm doing josh pais' truth and presence weekend, and i'm having a killer time. i've been thinking a lot about a lot, but here's a little thought. we are totally enough. i think that phrase got thrown around a lot in drama school for some reason (maybe susan finch said it a lot?) but i actually realized the significance of the phrase today in terms of energy. i watched an incredibly charismatic guy falter big time working in front of the group because he was taking energy instead of giving it. we take when we feel insecure and we are waiting for someone to help us in some way, but when you give energy you are engaging the audience in a different way. in the kind of way i would like to engage an audience. but yeah. if you don't think you're enough then you take energy. so GIVE YOUR ENERGY! you are totally enough! we are all enough. i want to hear your thoughts, and i want to tell you mine. i think we all want to share in this way maybe. more on this and the other joys of the workshop to come when i'm not so sleepy. this bitch is out. xoxo

2nd day.

yesterday was my second day of studio, and somehow (okay, well i know how...) it was better than the first. this experience is kind of like when i first moved to new york and started at atc there, but it's more fun and relaxed but still focused. i think it's more fun because i'm at a different place. i'm not as concerned with how well i'm doing or how i'm going to be graded? it feels like i'm doing everything for me or for the sake of doing something fun and that i enjoy doing. it's a shift. and i think the people in the program are all in different places than we were when we first started out. my year got a little catty after 3 years together. . . moving on.

weds:

we started the day with jiujitsu. PS EVERYONE SHOULD DO JIUJITSU. RIGHT NOW. i thought it was that really dumb, slow karate (what is that called?) that i sometimes saw people doing in washington square park, but it is so not that. it is like full body contact wrestling. seriously. it was so sexual and physical and... frankly, pretty hot. PLUS our teacher is this amazing looking brazilian man named ricardo. he threw me around a little... and i wanted him to throw me around a lot. a lot, a lot. it was such a blast!  then we had lunch and went off to our auditioning class with jeanie bacharach. she has cast many shows and is currently working on brothers and sisters. i've never seen the show, but my sister likes it and, let's face it, i would flip to even audition for it. jeff mentioned on the first day that she brought in a lot of people from his class to read, so i'm hoping we get the same shot. 

aaaand i actually went out (!) with people (!!) last night to see my friend (!!!) paul play guitar at this lounge (all bars in LA seem to be called a lounge for some reason) near my house. i think i might be making friends. the people in the program are really relaxed, and there doesn't seem to be much drama brewing. i guess there is a bit of this and that, but that's people. i think whenever you put two people together there is energy generated between them. sometimes that is positive and sometimes it is negative. it's just chemistry or something. nothing wrong with that. anyway, i think i'm making friends which is awesome because i was worried if i was lucky i'd have to choose between a career in LA or a life in NYC - if i was VERY lucky that would be my dilemma. it might not be like that after all! bahhh and i have committed impulse weekend this weekend. i'm a happy, happy girl :)

also, my sister bought me a gps, and it just came in the mail, so i was thinking i might try it out and drive over to ikea. or maybe just target. or amer pear. i need yoga pants for my movement classes. we'll see. my car is stuck in the car garage because i pulled it all the way in and another car parked behind me because the last time i pulled it up so no one could park behind me the guy yelled at me and said 'pull all the way in' and i was like 'but i'll get jammed in' but the attendant told me he could allegedly move the other car and get it out for me. i don't believe him, though, because if it was my car blocking another car he doesn't have my key to unjam that car. stupid, mean garage attendant. oh the joys of auto drama in LA. it's a small price to pay for this weather, the program, my apartment, and i might actually be making friends already. it's hollywood, baby, and i finally feel like anything is possible. even getting my car out of the garage. . . or loving jiujitsu? who knew my favorite class would be some wrestling class? oh my.  xo, m.

first day.

yesterday was my first day of studio. it was very fun and surprisingly intense. we had movement, lunch, voice, then film. back to the 10 to 630 grind of drama school! no, seriously, it was a good day. 

movement was good, not as good as george's class (obvs), but good nonetheless. the teacher wants to focus on strength building (yuck), cardio (double yuck), and different styles of dance. then in voice we tremor-ed for an hour. my whole body was practically convulsing. i guess it's the fitzmorris approach or something. i don't know. DW never made us do that shit. we had very prissy voice classes compared to this class. after those physically demanding classes, we had on camera acting  class with maggie kiley (!). she has moved out here but i totally didn't know that. i guess cynthia silver (!!) is out here too performing bridezilla blah blah, and if she gives us tix to a preview or something i'm defs going. that would be a great story, i'm sure. film with maggie was... film with maggie. i have already had her as a film teacher and so i kind of know what to expect from her. it was nice to see the whole group get up to do a monologue, though. it was interesting to see a whole new group of people act. silently judge them? of course. size up my competition? naturally. cry softly in the corner to myself silently telling myself over and over i'll never make it? duh.  nahhh it is a group like any other with people i am interested in and others who bore me. and i'm sure i perked up some ears and others checked out. tis the nature of the craft. i have class again weds - this is my day off. i'm gonna putz around and maybe look for a part time/weekend gig in my area. then poss hit up a yoga class at 6 when i figure out my 24 hour fitness membership. something about 24 hours of fitness rubs me the wrong way. it's like a deli but for fitness. anyway. 

i'm beginning to think that this life is much like my life in nyc.  just with warmer weather and a car.  oh and no friends.  baby steps, m, baby steps.  hope you're all keeping warm! xoxox

the hollywood tower.

hey!

sorry for my delayed update... A LOT has happened, and i'm feeling a lot more settled in now. i got my internet yesterday, so i can finally update you all on my life here in hollywood. it is strange, but enjoyable. so far.

first of all, the ride down:

i made a bad decision (duh). i went out hard the night before i drove down from portland to LA with my dad, and i was drunkity drunk drunk. i can barely remember the end of the night and woke up in a haze. i stumbled out of bed, climbed into the car, and after about 2 hours of fast and windy driving, i felt sick. very sick. i puked out of the car door and felt horrible the whole drive down. yes, really. it was so embarrassing, and i felt so bad for destroying the fun father-daughter road trip my dad had talked about. oops. so, anyway, we get down to concord, CA, visit my grandma, pick up my sister, and start heading down to LA. then we get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere on I-5. yes, really. my dad takes out the spare but it's like a mini tire that can't make it, so we call AAA and they come but can't help so we drive to the nearest walmart and get a new tire. that was all the road trip drama. whewww.

the apartment hunt:

okay, craigslist was misleading. i'm the first to admit i was a bit blindsided by LA's renting market. it's less than the city, but not by much. i managed to get a good deal on a place in hollywood off the 101 and close to school, but it's a bit more than i thought i was going to pay. it's AMAZING, though. i will have to post some pictures once i figure out to attach them to this blog thing. i'm in a massive studio, and i've gotten some good deals on a bed and couch off craigslist. ikea is close by, too, so i've gotten some good stuff from there. basically, if you want to live in a less secure area with street parking, then you can get a studio for $850/mo. if you're looking for a safer area with gated/secure parking, you're looking at about $1200 and above. yikes, i know.

the program!:

i had orientation today, and, guys, i have to admit - it seems AWESOME. we have a lot of classes every week like movement, voice, jujitsu (right?), auditioning with the casting director of brothers & sisters, film with maggie kiley, a comedy class, showcase class, getting our reel figured out with clark gregg, and then a bunch of really cool guests come in every weds and fri. we're having class with the director miller tobin this friday, and there's a long line of others. plus the class is really small, so i feel like i will get some good face time, for whatever that's worth. i have josh pais' workshop this weekend, so that's another great outlet for me at the perfect time. my sister leaves tomorrow so i will be alone. yeah, i'm gonna need some pais in my life. i'm feeling like i'm going in the right direction... and i'm feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. seriously, my parents are killer.

things are definitely moving in this town, and i don't know if i'll want to stay here for very long, but it feels like the place to jump off and get started. i may want to eat these words in may when i'm still unemployed and wishing i was in nyc, but for now i'm very very content and excited for whatever may come my way, for whatever that's worth. xoxo, m.