going through something.

i think i'm going through something. i need to re-invest in the present moment. i'm waaay too caught up in what was or what could be. i think it's just a strange transitional time in my life, and i don't know if i can avoid it. 

the only way around is through.

making moves.

first thing's first: I GOT A MEETING! there was a lot of buzz around after the showcase, but i didn't have an actual meeting scheduled - just phone calls. NOW i have my first meeting with an agent! sweeet.

moving on to what i was originally sitting down to write in this post: JUDD APATOW! i went to see judd speak on 'inside the actor's studio' and it was AWESOME. i kind of already felt like i was connected to apatow through his work, but watching him talk solidified it for me. it may sound strange, but seeing him and hearing him talk about how he got projects going and being the cheerleader and the facilitator for really funny things to happen... i felt like 'i can do that.' i'm a young, female judd apatow. anyway i've been feeling more and more like filmmaking is not something that happens "out there" but like i can do it. it's kind of an amazing feeling. it's not a "them" thing. it's an "us" thing. we can make work. kind of insane that after nearly 4 years at atlantic, which is the 'make your own work kingdom', listening to judd for 5 hours made me feel it. 

so i've been writing and writing and writing. i wasn't feeling too good this morning, but i hope it's passing. i asked judd a question (!) about writing and he was so helpful. i'm so so so new to this game, and although i'm enthusiastic and a very hard worker, i need a bit of focus and bit of guidance. i hate to admit it because i've fought it my whole life - but i'm young. it's not exactly a handicap... i just have very ambitious goals. he said he figures out the premise and then the end and then he adds obstacles for the characters to overcome. he also thinks about a script for a year, then writes it really quickly (in like 3 months!), then re-writes and shoots for another year. he said he employs the 'down and up' style of writing - get it down, then build it up. he lets the first draft be really shitty then makes it better. all so amazingly helpful for me as i attempt to become a writer.

judd said something else awesome, he said 'the hardest worker wins'. which is FUCKING BRILLIANT. even in this business of beauty, nepotism, and connections connections connections, the hardest worker wins. judd apatow is proof of that. the man is a worker and a collaborator and a cheerleader. i seriously fell in love with him. i might have to go watch superbad now. 

much love,

m.