distracting.

so i've been letting myself get distracted by anything, everything, and nothing. i think that it's defs a form of self sabotage. but i think if you can recognize it in yourself then it's not that bad because i can say 'okay, enough putting this off. get it done.' 

in the upcoming weeks when i have time and beth is at work:

- call my cable company

- fill out all that stuff for avant agency

- call patrick's uncle re: summer theatre camp

- finish script . . . 

- figure out the end of my trip

- email mike & julie about housing stuff

it's not that scary when i write it out. i hope the day is productive for everyone! i'm probably just going to continue watching tracy morgan stand up and then take tank for a walk. 

ho hum.

motivation is a tricky thing.

i'm feeling a little restless. i'm stuck in orlando alone until my sister comes back from italy, and her dog, tank, just stares at me. i take him for a walk for an hour. we get back. he stares at me. i give him a treat. he eats it. then he stares at me. we go next door and play with his doggy friend for an hour. we go back home. he stares at me. i'm not sure what he wants, but it makes me uneasy.

i also go this really long email from my agent (!!!) about everything i need to do to get started. wow. it's a lot. i need to get a move on! 

i changed my trip plans a little. i'm gonna go up to nyc for a couple days after i leave FL. i figured, i'm already on this coast, and i don't have my return ticket yet, and my dad said okay... so it looks like it's a 'go'. it'll be nice to see some people without the craziness of graduation as a backdrop. 

and, yeah. i'm trying to tie up all my loose ends, make a few phone calls that have been looming, sort out some other things that i didn't get to before i left in a rush. no one said this stuff was gonna be easy, but i'm having a pretty good time. i just wish this dog would stop looking at me.

delayed reaction(s).

hey all --

so much going on. i'm writing like a banshee. i have a couple things up in the air... not sure what to do with any of it yet. it's all a bit overwhelming. basically, a couple key people have told me i have some talent at this, so i guess i'll give it a go..? now every time i watch a movie on TV i say something along the lines of 'if this bullshit movie can get made, then someone should make my movies.' i bought a book today at goodwill for $0.99. it's called 'making movies' so i think it's getting serious. 

i have an agent! i'm signing with avant artists. they are a boutique agency here in LA. it's very exciting! i just got the phone call tonight. i'm gonna sort out all of the paper work, and hopefully they will send me out for stuff starting in august. i'd love to get auditioning :) 

my reel is done! the screening is gonna be in LA around the 15th so unfortch i'm not in the city. baaaaaaaalllllzzzzzzzzzzzz. i really wish i could be there for the screening. clark is probs gonna be there and it'll be the first showing of a section of 'sevies'. anyway, it's neither here nor there - i'm here, it's there. 

i was sitting down to examine where i'm at after the first couple months out of the program. i gave myself a few goals to try to hit by next year's showcase. they are:

1.) sag card

2.) agent and/or manager 

3.) be able to pay my rent

um check check check. i don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, i'm starting to look more and more like the girl i thought i was gonna be on paper. i'm still not sure what kind of girl i am, but on paper - wow! i'm going somewhere. 

better get back to writing. bahhh so many ideas thoughts feelings. 

ps i have so many flirtations, it's killing me. i'm so out of my element when it comes to actual relationships with boys. sick. don't worry, dad, that's all i'm gonna say about that.

xxx