'the quickest way to get people to NOT like you? try to be likable.'

i love acting class with the actor/writer/director clark gregg. if you don't know him, imdb him. he's done a lot of stuff as an actor including ironman, the new adventures of old christine, and he's done a lot as a writer/director - what lies beneath, choke. he also is a really nice guy. and (surprisingly) not full of shit. 

clark tells it like it is. he also talks a lot about the paradoxes of acting and, in a way, living. how if you really try to make a scene work, it doesn't work. or if you really try to be liked, you're completely unlikable. it makes me think about the energy that we are putting out in the world. i went out last night with a whole bunch of actors - working and otherwise. it was amazing to see how the actors who are working are also the people who are attractive. not attractive in a superficial way, but in a magnetic way. like, the people who are working actors are also the people who draw everyone in. not a joke. it was a literal and direct correlation. i also managed to have a couple of awkward conversations with these people (read: guys), but nothing felt awkward. everyone was going with the flow and letting everyone be okay. it's like they have engaged in relinquishing control in all aspects of life - not just acting. it's like everyday these people say, 'okay, i don't know what's gonna happen next. and that's great.' then they are on their merry little way. there were too many pay-may-stay words in those sentences, but you get the point.

i think we all have our own ideas of how everything should play out in life, from a conversation to an audition to a date to a drive to the corner store. it's much more energizing and exciting to ditch those plans and go with it. to stand wherever you're starting from and go from there. no need to try for anything, but rather work hard and see where i end up. simply say hello to the unknown and play it by ear. every moment can be bad or good but it will not be planned. and that's great.

dad, it was not raining in LA today. . . at least at the times when i left my glorious apartment. i love you!