Saturday, November 7, 2009

teen nick superstardom: here i come!

hey y'all -

so i had a major call back for a show on teen nick called "gigantic". i felt really good about my work in there, so we will see! i won't really know for sure either way until the episode is slated to start shooting... i probably didn't get it because it was on tuesday and i haven't heard but it was still a very positive experience. 

hmm... i'm in a showcase that is going up on the 16th and 17th. it should be a good time! i'm also doing the committed impulse weekend this weekend. that is incredible so far! if you can get the chance to take a class with josh pais, DO IT. the work is life changing. for realz. i'm also really trying to finish some scripts so that i can make some mov(i)es, but it's a process. a script is not finished over night (or even over month). i need to be patient.

yeah. that about covers it! i'm just trying to audition when i can, take some cool classes, work part time, and write write write. all in the california sunshine (seriously. i was wearing a sundress today and it's november.). oh, and i'm preparing to turn another year older. bahhh i hate getting older :) much love!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

manage me.

i am meeting with that manager i really wanted to meet with! yippee!!! i finally figured out how to convert the dvd of my reel scene but the program i ripped it from put a watermark on top of our faces but i sent it to him anyway and i apologized for the watermark and then he wrote back and asked for my headshot and my bio but i didn't have a bio so i sent him my headshot and apologized for the lack of bio and he wrote me saying he wants to meet with me! whew. i really need a manager right now. i like having an agent, but i really need a manager to help me figure out all aspects of my career. okay, so hopefully he likes me and wants to work with me. i'd love a little help in this world. 

i hope all is well with you!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

why is this whole life thing so complicated?

Monday, October 5, 2009

working (again) girl.

so..... i actually worked yesterday! it was supposed to be a part day, but then my boss wanted me there a little earlier and i left a little later and i was driving around and it was actually quite exhausting. i was on my feet the whole day, hauling art, getting people drinks, etc. i came home, went and hung out in the hot tub for a bit with shey and julie, but around 1 am, i was beat. this doesn't happen to me these days because so much of my life is based around a computer and sitting at said computer. even if it's a gym day, i'm still wide awake around 3 am. i guess what can i expect when i'm sitting at a computer all day, then i exercise for 2 hours, and i expect that to be enough? i'm young! i have energy! 

so..... i'm making a change! i'm going to go to THREE gym classes daily and try to do more things during the day to break up the ass-expanding-sitting-in-front-of-the-computer time. another cool thing happened, though, while i was working this art show - i got a total picture of the missing piece for my script. today i'm going to tie up loose phone calls and emails and write my precious little face off. then i'm off to the gym to take 3 classes. let's just hope that spinning isn't full again.

much loves,
m

Friday, October 2, 2009

one of those days...

... at least my whole story is notecard-ed and up on my wall. now it just stares at me. 

i think this is supposed to be the good life, right? i'm off to spin and not think.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

been too long.

okay, okay, i know - i've been away for a while. in my defense, i've been swamped. i wish i had a little more to show for it, but i'm learning that is the nature of this crazy business. let me break it down:

- agents: agents are a funny thing. i think i need to be more serious about pursuing that manager who liked me. i think at this stage in my career i need a manager. i like my agency... i haven't signed on the bottom line with them, though. the jury is still out. i was talking to ann maney and she said that "you're really good, and you need a team who will rep for you. take your time." so i'm gonna finally figure out the file conversion thing on the reel scene and get it to artists independent. whew.

- showcase: i'm in another showcase! we got the casting today, and i didn't get the one act i brought in and wanted to do, but i think it will still be a great night. plus, mamet came to the last one, and i love love love him.  my director is smart and julie is doing it too so it should be fun. and i have all that promotion stuff done from the last one which will make promoting this one that much easier. 

- boys: my dad doesn't want me to update on this topic anymore, but i will say this much: boys are strange. i'm not crazily dating like i was a couple months ago, but i'm still casually seeing some people, and it is still the most confusing and fascinating dance. who are we?? why are men and women they way we are? what do we want? why do we pretend to want one thing but we actually want something completely different?! i think attempting to answer these questions keeps a lot of creatives creating. i know i write about it all. the. freaking. time.

- writing: i love it! i love going into panera and setting out my laptop and typing away with purpose. i'm getting a little overwhelmed because i have 3 screenplays that i am working on, and i know this is probably an amateur's mistake, but i can't stop the ideas. i'm trying to focus on the one script and i want it to be finished by the time katie comes to visit me. i've turned my wall into the visual representation of my movie - with notecards with each event written on them telling the story. i need visuals. i need reminders. i need something to show for it all.

- career: the real deal, ladies and gents. i auditioned for 'breaking bad' the other day! it was very exciting. and it was for a guest spot with a bunch of scenes/lines/a name. i didn't get it, but it was a very positive experience, and i was told by a inside source that they love me over there and have been dying to use me. i guess they came to the showcase and the casting associate has my headshot on his wall. good news, indeed. i haven't done much else, but i haven't exactly signed on with my agents... oh man. i think i'm gonna hold out until after the showcase i just signed on for. others might be interested and i haven't been blown over by the work they're doing. hmm.

- odd jobs: i was interviewing for this cool nanny position but then they suddenly wanted me in the mornings too and they live across town so i'd need to double commute and suddenly i'm spending half my day in the car and my whole day being a nanny. i want a part time gig that can help with my bills but also leave the door open for me to be an actor/writer/producer (my, i'm acquiring slashes out in LA...). i didn't see it doing that for me. but the good news is that the family loved me so they will call on me for help in the future. i'm applying daily for other gigs, but not much else is happening. it's trying, frustrating, and i'm trying not to let it get me down. i'm searching for something specific that will add to my life. gahhh i just want to act. 

- life in general: is great! it's (hopefully) becoming fall here, and so there is a very slight chill in the air. i can't wait to wear sweaters and jeans and boots. i have the best coach boots from my momma for my last birthday. this birthday my parents are buying me my DREAM TV! i'm so unbelievably excited for this. i'm becoming a bit of a gym bunny lately. i have discovered the world of spinning, and i can't get enough. i've never been much of a runner, so i've always hoped for a great cardio alternative. i've tried swimming and the elliptical, but nothing got me trim and happy quite like running. but i don't like running much. then i found spinning. wow. i love it. i'm even gonna go to a day of spinning in november. i want to do it every day. it's like i'm addicted to spinning. i think everyone should try a class. 24 hour fitness has great ones - just be sure to sign up or you'll miss out. i learned that the hard way.

- future goals: i guess my main goals are to finish my screenplays, get in better shape, and book an acting job. i need a job and new headshots and need to talk to that manager and a bunch of other garbage, but i'm trying to stay focused. i'm also trying to remember that i'm young and this is a process. it's funny. i was in yoga yesterday and the instructor was this extremely calming pregnant woman. i thought it would be an easy class, but she pushed us. for some reason, yoga teachers are always interested in me. they always make a lot of eye contact with me... it's actually kind of weird. anyway, i felt a connection with this teacher as well. and i actually really did well in the class (i'm a little sore now!). then at the end of the class when we're laying in our final pose, she tells us to stay still and breathe. quiet your minds blah blah blah. usually this is the part i'm good at, but i was so in my head and not present. i lifted my hand to scratch (since when do i fidget in savasana?!!) and suddenly felt a hand on my thigh. it was the instructor. she just kept it there. like the biggest show of comfort. i could've cried. i've never been touched at a 24 hour fitness class (in fact i think it's against policy) but there she was, her hand on my leg, just saying 'i'm here.' i don't know if she knew how much that helped me quiet my mind and stay present. we are too hard on ourselves. i'm expecting to be a working actor already. my friends are beating themselves up too. it will happen if we are open. we need to breathe, stay still, and enjoy the moment. this is it. and i'm loving it.

hope you're all well! i'll update waaaay more frequently. promise. 
X

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

distracting.

so i've been letting myself get distracted by anything, everything, and nothing. i think that it's defs a form of self sabotage. but i think if you can recognize it in yourself then it's not that bad because i can say 'okay, enough putting this off. get it done.' 

in the upcoming weeks when i have time and beth is at work:
- call my cable company
- fill out all that stuff for avant agency
- call patrick's uncle re: summer theatre camp
- finish script . . . 
- figure out the end of my trip
- email mike & julie about housing stuff

it's not that scary when i write it out. i hope the day is productive for everyone! i'm probably just going to continue watching tracy morgan stand up and then take tank for a walk. 

ho hum.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

motivation is a tricky thing.

i'm feeling a little restless. i'm stuck in orlando alone until my sister comes back from italy, and her dog, tank, just stares at me. i take him for a walk for an hour. we get back. he stares at me. i give him a treat. he eats it. then he stares at me. we go next door and play with his doggy friend for an hour. we go back home. he stares at me. i'm not sure what he wants, but it makes me uneasy.

i also go this really long email from my agent (!!!) about everything i need to do to get started. wow. it's a lot. i need to get a move on! 

i changed my trip plans a little. i'm gonna go up to nyc for a couple days after i leave FL. i figured, i'm already on this coast, and i don't have my return ticket yet, and my dad said okay... so it looks like it's a 'go'. it'll be nice to see some people without the craziness of graduation as a backdrop. 

and, yeah. i'm trying to tie up all my loose ends, make a few phone calls that have been looming, sort out some other things that i didn't get to before i left in a rush. no one said this stuff was gonna be easy, but i'm having a pretty good time. i just wish this dog would stop looking at me.

Monday, July 6, 2009

delayed reaction(s).

hey all --

so much going on. i'm writing like a banshee. i have a couple things up in the air... not sure what to do with any of it yet. it's all a bit overwhelming. basically, a couple key people have told me i have some talent at this, so i guess i'll give it a go..? now every time i watch a movie on TV i say something along the lines of 'if this bullshit movie can get made, then someone should make my movies.' i bought a book today at goodwill for $0.99. it's called 'making movies' so i think it's getting serious. 

i have an agent! i'm signing with avant artists. they are a boutique agency here in LA. it's very exciting! i just got the phone call tonight. i'm gonna sort out all of the paper work, and hopefully they will send me out for stuff starting in august. i'd love to get auditioning :) 

my reel is done! the screening is gonna be in LA around the 15th so unfortch i'm not in the city. baaaaaaaalllllzzzzzzzzzzzz. i really wish i could be there for the screening. clark is probs gonna be there and it'll be the first showing of a section of 'sevies'. anyway, it's neither here nor there - i'm here, it's there. 

i was sitting down to examine where i'm at after the first couple months out of the program. i gave myself a few goals to try to hit by next year's showcase. they are:
1.) sag card
2.) agent and/or manager 
3.) be able to pay my rent
um check check check. i don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, i'm starting to look more and more like the girl i thought i was gonna be on paper. i'm still not sure what kind of girl i am, but on paper - wow! i'm going somewhere. 

better get back to writing. bahhh so many ideas thoughts feelings. 
ps i have so many flirtations, it's killing me. i'm so out of my element when it comes to actual relationships with boys. sick. don't worry, dad, that's all i'm gonna say about that.

xxx

Thursday, June 11, 2009

going through something.

i think i'm going through something. i need to re-invest in the present moment. i'm waaay too caught up in what was or what could be. i think it's just a strange transitional time in my life, and i don't know if i can avoid it. 

the only way around is through.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

making moves.

first thing's first: I GOT A MEETING! there was a lot of buzz around after the showcase, but i didn't have an actual meeting scheduled - just phone calls. NOW i have my first meeting with an agent! sweeet.

moving on to what i was originally sitting down to write in this post: JUDD APATOW! i went to see judd speak on 'inside the actor's studio' and it was AWESOME. i kind of already felt like i was connected to apatow through his work, but watching him talk solidified it for me. it may sound strange, but seeing him and hearing him talk about how he got projects going and being the cheerleader and the facilitator for really funny things to happen... i felt like 'i can do that.' i'm a young, female judd apatow. anyway i've been feeling more and more like filmmaking is not something that happens "out there" but like i can do it. it's kind of an amazing feeling. it's not a "them" thing. it's an "us" thing. we can make work. kind of insane that after nearly 4 years at atlantic, which is the 'make your own work kingdom', listening to judd for 5 hours made me feel it. 

so i've been writing and writing and writing. i wasn't feeling too good this morning, but i hope it's passing. i asked judd a question (!) about writing and he was so helpful. i'm so so so new to this game, and although i'm enthusiastic and a very hard worker, i need a bit of focus and bit of guidance. i hate to admit it because i've fought it my whole life - but i'm young. it's not exactly a handicap... i just have very ambitious goals. he said he figures out the premise and then the end and then he adds obstacles for the characters to overcome. he also thinks about a script for a year, then writes it really quickly (in like 3 months!), then re-writes and shoots for another year. he said he employs the 'down and up' style of writing - get it down, then build it up. he lets the first draft be really shitty then makes it better. all so amazingly helpful for me as i attempt to become a writer.

judd said something else awesome, he said 'the hardest worker wins'. which is FUCKING BRILLIANT. even in this business of beauty, nepotism, and connections connections connections, the hardest worker wins. judd apatow is proof of that. the man is a worker and a collaborator and a cheerleader. i seriously fell in love with him. i might have to go watch superbad now. 

much love,
m.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

summer.

i'm loving the summer! i love parties and writing and being with people i love! i even love job hunting! i'm feeling good. waiting for my reel to be done so i can mail it to some people so i can maybe start working with them. which would be AWESOME!

yeah that's it.

Monday, May 25, 2009

i'm back!

 i've been back for a couple days now, and i'm just getting settled. i had a visitor for a couple days too. i still need to unpack, but... one day at a time. 

the most exciting things in my life:
- amelia's dad edited our reel scene and she kept raving about how good it looks and how all the takes (or "dailies" if you're annoying and in the business) looked awesome. and clark only had to roll 2 takes from each angle because all the takes were amazing and yadda yadda. so i guess i have a great scene for my reel and for...
... the other really cool thing in my life: the screenplay. i want to create little media type packets when i'm done with the script, so this would be an awesome thing to include. the script is coming along. i've given myself this month to finish it. i don't have a ton of other obligations so it should be fun. i'm gonna have to move and find work and other awful grown up things soon. right now, i'm enjoying my freedom, my listlessness, and my writing. 

p.s. i maybe met a boy. don't worry, dad, that is all i will say about that.
x

Friday, May 15, 2009

i get back to LA on monday.

it's official. i don't live in nyc anymore. i just re-read that sentence, and i had typed 'like' instead of 'live'. freud has a theory about that...

hooray for graduation! hooray for screenwriting! hooray for house hunting! for dogs! for celebrations! for SAG points! for really good friends! for knowing when to cut ties! for knowing when to keep 'em! for diet coke! for finally feeling like i'm making moves and becoming the person i thought i would be. and for boys who like girls! 

Saturday, May 9, 2009

working hard.

not much to say other than i'm working hard. i'm just trying to write and work out and look for a job and a new, cheaper place. i'm going to look at this time as a vacation instead of the end of the world. i won't start panicking until the end of the summer... if i have nothing on the ball. oh man. i hope i have something on the ball. i can use this time. i can use it however i want, and right now i'm choosing to write, work out, and look for work. hmm choice is awesome. i love making choices. and not making choices. i love most things.

in other news of things i love: i'm flying out to nyc tonight! julie is driving me to the airport because she's awesome. i fly all night and then i arrive tomorrow morning. i'm so excited! i feel like i'm coming back after being gone for summer, you know? i hope i can walk away again. graduation feels exciting already and i'm still over here. i can't wait to see the city again. 

i have so many goals, and usually i beat myself up for planning instead of doing but i'm feeling like i'm doing instead of planning lately (like within the last week) and it feels natural, effortless. i better check in my flight, work out, and write some more. see you tomorrow! love you!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

budgeting for the future.

certain prospects are so cool but also very frightening, and i have this theory: whenever i stop living in the now, i feel paralyzed and overwhelmed. 

for instance, i was just working on my script, and i thought 'hmm i wonder what the budget was for the movie 'superbad' since my script is a bit like it.' then i looked it up and the budget was $20 million!!! i am still shocked. i thought that was a tiny movie that had big success. NO it's a big movie that had big success. i'm telling you, man, apatow productions owns us. everything judd touches turns to comedy gold. then i started to feel like i can never raise $20 million (because, duh) but also why even bother writing a script that will never be able to be made because who has $20 million to gamble on a script other than judd apatow himself and who am i to him?!? 

this is how things are stopped. i don't need to focus on the budget. i need to focus on finishing the script so that i stop talking about finishing it and actually start getting opinions. SO SCARY. once i stop living in the future and focus on the now, i can actually have control over what is happening and make moves. which is a lot scarier than just being scared and paralyzed. hmm i've been writing all day and i hate the script. i'm back to square one of thinking that i have nothing and no one will ever like it. but i have to keep pushing on. keep on keepin' on. nothing gets done in the future. everything gets done in the now. i can't worry about someone not liking something that i haven't even done yet. it's such a waste of time. 

i'll let you know how the script turns out. i'm not going to talk about it again until it's done and ready for stage 2: edits. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

i'm such a bum
someone give me a job
nyc in 4 days
errands to do to do to do but nothing fun
someone give me a job

Monday, May 4, 2009

shooting.

yesterday was one of my most favorite experiences. i had such a good time. we turned amelia's family's house into a set and shot 8 scenes, 22 pages. it was called an "impossible" day, never been done, but we did it! and the bits and pieces that i was watching on rob's computer looked awesome. so not only did we do it, but we made it look good. it was such an amazing feeling to be on camera and working with clark and seeing the guys work the camera and lights and sound. god i love this stuff. i wish it was a little less scary sometimes, but then i think that maybe that's what gives it the edge it has... i'm not sure. all i really know is that if i could walk onto a set everyday for the next 10 years and do something i would be overjoyed. that's all i think i need to know.

julie and i shot a scene that i wrote from a screenplay that i'm working on. it's funny because that film might come into actualization now. we will see. i was talking to my sister about the project and i was talking about 'good dick' and she was like 'see you can do that.' maybe we can...? i mean clark did say, 'get me the script.' and my dad and sister did say they want to get into producing. hmmm now i need to write write write my little head off. of course now i have nothing to say and i don't know where the girls are going or who they are going to be interacting with when they get there, but it will come. i trust. i have faith.

anyway the reel scene looks great. a little darker than i thought, but i will still send the footage out to see if anyone wants to work with me. i might be making moves on my own, but i'm also still hoping for other things to start happening. i can't wait to come to nyc. i was watching 'keeping up with the kardashians' this morning because i'm a bum and khloe was in nyc. i got excited that i'm flying in on sunday! then it's off to orlando for a break with my best friend. life is good. 

Saturday, May 2, 2009

freedom doesn't feel free.

i wanna be busy. i want to be working. gahhh i'm getting ahead of myself. again. gahhh whatcanyoudo?

today marks the 3rd day without anything scheduled going on, and i feel like i'm missing out. tomorrow (thank god) we are shooting our reel scenes all day, so i'll feel important and part of the group and active and appreciated and hopefully have a great time! clark gregg is our director which is beyond awesome. i can't really think about what that actually means. it's a bit like mamet being our director. gahhh amazing. i surely wouldn't be doing this in nyc. it was such the right thing for me to move out here. he was talking the other day about really doing our homework on the scenes and bringing it because so often these seemingly random things bring work. then the other day, we went to get a couple of drinks and jeff was talking about how clark is getting offered scripts and projects to direct left and right. man, i wonder if he was telling us to bring it because he was thinking that he can use us in the future..? that would be swell. i need a job and a sag card.

so after the reel is shot, i'm going to send my tape to the manager who is interested in me. hopefully then i'll get signed. i still haven't heard from the agent who talked to me after the showcase, so my friend suggested i give him a week then follow up. people are very flaky in this town. plus what have i got to lose? they told us most of the calls come in between now and the next week, so i'm trying to wait and not go bonkers but i wish things were happening! i want to work!  i want to pursue things! i want to have a good time! to occupy my time, i've been going to the gym. it's a very strange place here in hollywood. lots of girls with lots of issues. i try to just listen to lady gaga and block out the rest of it. just try to get my run on without a massive mindfuck. scott zigler told us that acting certain parts well might "cost you parts of yourself you never thought you'd spend." i'm beginning to feel that way more about persevering through the business. waiting and feeling evaluated and coming up short or being passed by is costing me parts of myself i never thought i'd spend. the acting is the fun part.

that's about it. i'm headed off to nyc on the 10th to graduate. i'm so ahead of myself! i need to graduate still. give myself a break. geez. then i'm spending a couple days with my sister in florida. that should be very fun. then ??? who knows. i guess days spent at the gym with the other LA actresses waiting for the phone to ring.

Friday, May 1, 2009

the waiting is the hardest part. // tom petty.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

another day, another showcase.

last night was our 2nd and final showcase. i feel good about the overall work i did and that the others in my group did. i think we put up a strong show that we can feel proud of. even if the calls don't start rolling in, we're all getting to where we're going. i stand by what i said about a couple people not being showcased properly, but that is water under the bridge at this point. clark gregg will give those girls jobs anyway...

so i got a call from a manager yesterday who saw the show on tuesday, and an agent talked to me last night about bringing me in. nothing is for sure and who knows what will come of any of it, but so far this is where i'm at. i was telling julie that i was struggling with remembering names and she was like then write them down on this program and wrote down the name of the agent i talked to. then i was holding the program and jeff was like 'what's that?' and i was like 'oh it's so i don't forget who i talked to.' and he was like 'don buchwald?' and i was like 'yeah' and he was like 'did he talk to you?' and i was like 'yeah' and he was like 'wow that's awesome.' and he looked really impressed. i don't know why but i liked that moment a lot. it made me flutter a bit. it's like... someone saying something that they don't have to say always excites me a little. it's a moment of real. so... yeah. hopefully he'll call. and hopefully the manager will like my reel and then call me in and work with me. hopefully hopefully hope hope hope.  

okay so now i wait a bit. i'm feeling like i still have a lot going on because we have our reel day and other things happening then i'm off to nyc and orlando. i feel like i'm still "on". but i don't really want to be "off". normally i really crave downtime and i'm feeling like i could just go and go and go. better hit the gym then i'm going to a birthday party. a couple of my flirtations are there... i better dress up. xoxoxoxo 

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

oh

and also i looked around today, and i was unbelievably, inexplicably, deliriously happy. just an overwhelming amount of happiness flooded me. it was awesome.

showcase-ing.

tonight was great! i want to write while the thoughts are still fresh and the feelings are still feeling, but i am so tired. try to follow me...

okay so everything has been going great with tech and whatnot. not any issues and rod has been surprisingly pleasant with us. we also have more reservations than the past 2 years. no pressure. so i arrive at the theatre with hair and make up done, warm up with the cast, hang out, get into costume - feeling good, feeling squirrelly, feeling ready. the first scene goes - positive response. 2nd scene - pretty good, 3rd - also nice. so (i'm the 4th scene) i'm feeling excited to get on stage. julie looks at me and just says, 'kill it.' we start and they are dying. literally the house is laughing hysterically at everything. we were shocked. the final line is given and they start clapping and cheering - it was awesome. it was so awesome to feel like myself again. there is something about me in front of an audience... i light up. none of the other bullshit matters. 

we finish and i'm feeling good. lindsay (my scene partner) is also feeling good and we hug and silently squeal backstage and move on with the show. then the show is over and we're all gathered outside for the little reception. everyone was so nice about the show. most of the industry people do not stay, but a couple people were around and i got to talk to them. i got a lot of great compliments. i'm gonna write the really good ones here, but you can jump ahead. it's more for me to return to, than to talk myself up to others. okay, enough disclaimer:
- all the work was great, but your scene was the best.
- you were the audience favorite.
- you really popped.
- you didn't tell the end of the story at the beginning which is hard to do and crucial to selling the scene.
- you played all the levels of the play. i'm very familiar with the short play, and you were hitting the levels and twists for the audience.
- can i get your phone number and email address?

okay so the last one was leslie (paul's girlfriend) BUT she's totally an up and coming writer and i saw her last play and it was amazing. i guess she has a couple pilots and stuff too. she's awesome. and she likes me. and maybe wants to use me for something..? that would be nice. anyway i'm beat. i'm gonna eat strawberries and watch the real housewives of new york city. kthxbye. love you. hopefully i get a job from all this... and i do the whole thing again tomorrow. watch we zero laughs. haha oh life. 

tonight, tonight, won't be like any night...

tonight is the showcase! i'm feeling good... i'm DEFINITELY nervous, but i feel like i'm doing good work and i can't control it if "they" show up and want a petite brunette. as simple as that. 

ho hum. i'll let you know how it goes. we have tech all day then the show. we have a ton of reservations so i feel proud that i did a good job promoting the thing. now i need to go and bring it. i (and nick) got them into the seats, now i need to do my thing. 

in other news: i'm obsessed with lady gaga. i listen to her album on repeat. it's unhealthy.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

lasts.

yesterday was the last day of classes and, let's be honest, i'm scared. i'm excited to be moving on, but i'm terrified that i won't be acting anymore. it's one thing to be in school - we have required work - but out in the biz there is no required work. there is no guarantee. 

anyway i've been thinking about a lot and that usually means i've been freaking out about a lot and i've given myself the day off. i don't have to think about any of it. i had a great conversation with amelia last night and she said a lot of things she didn't have to say and that i needed to hear. oh people. oh actors. we are a strange breed.

next week, it is the showcase. i'm just gonna trust myself and say the lines. no point in stressing over things out of my control. if i get a meeting or 2, fab. if not, i think they're still hiring at the GNC in burbank...

Monday, April 20, 2009

grateful.

i don't have much acting news. i'm in my last week of classes, and that's sad! i think i could do this program forever. and then i remember - oh yeah, i'm trying to do that. i'm trying to act forever. 

the real purpose of the post is to say a couple other things: it is important to be grateful. clark said something about entitlement being the death of humanity on our first day of class with him. i remember nodding, but now i'm realizing how true those words are. people who are not gracious are not my kind of people. i've been feeling very grateful lately. my phone is having a hard time, and my sister (who bought my phone for me originally) said she would replace it. just like that. i didn't ask. she just offered. i'm pretty damn lucky.

the other thing i wanted to say: fear is okay. i've been really scared of a couple things, but it's okay. i gotta try big to win big. sometimes when i try big i can fail big. shame, i know, but it's okay. i'm mostly afraid of things that are not in my control. i've been having this recurring fear that everyone will get meetings from the showcase and i will be the one person that doesn't get any meetings. that's the worst thing that can happen, and if it happens, i know i will survive. it won't kill me. it will suck big time, but it will be okay. 

hope all is good on both coasts. i come back to the city very soon. i hope i can leave it again. after all, i might have LA representation to get back to ; )

Sunday, April 19, 2009

flicka.

yesterday we were taught by felicity huffman! it was awesome. man, all the master classes have been amazing. between her and mamet, i finally understand what the analysis was supposed to be and how it is supposed to be taught. i think some of the teachers get it wrong. i won't get into that, though.

words of wisdom from flix:
- figure out where the bits are and stage accordingly. don't forget about stagecraft.
- take focus where you need to take focus.
- to land the role, you need to be different than everyone else in the audition. how? bring yourself to it. bring your analysis to it. everyone else is asking the questions, saying the lines - play the action!
- the only time we see you is when you're focused on the other person.
- you only have about 20 good ideas and they circulate through your work. throw yourself into the unknown.
- the difficulty lies in the scene. it's your job to solve the problem. everyone else will pay allegiance to the scene.
- when you're in a rush, give yourself something to actually do. we spend so much time pretending, help yourself out. if you can make the suitcase heavy, if you can actually eat, do it! it's the added burden of making stuff up when you're already pretending.
- if you don't know what to do, do nothing. say the line flat.
- don't do the lines - everyone is gonna do the lines - use the action based on what you see.
- work it out before the audition.
- "i wanna see you."
- just because the character doesn't remember, doesn't mean you don't have to. 
- i want to see you make the decision. that doesn't mean you have to move, you just have to decide.
- even if your first moment is "wake up!" and you're wrong, she is awake, at least you have the next step in the dance.
- figure out the moment before - it'll bring you into the scene.
- always make your blocking about the other person, your action, and stagecraft.
- "everyone says the words are meaningless. i think that's bullshit. the words are your tools. they aren't bullshit. rather, they can mean anything."
- why are you looking out, etc? tie it back into your action.
- "okay he just threw something at you which was 'fuck off and die' so you have to use that."
- what do you want it to look like? then fill it up with the truth.
- "i'm glad it matters to you but you have to gain an ally [or whatever your action is]."
- 'i don't care what the line sounds like, you're telling him to stand up and be a man.'
- everyone is going to do the scene. do the action off the other person.
- "hey, how about it's all in?"
- it's so hard to actually care about something.
- allegiance to the scene will fucking sink you.
- work off the other person! don't do your ideas!
- why do you have to say 'it's hard to say this' like it's hard to say? it can mean anything. you can say it like 'you have the best smile'.
- all your movements must help your action.

i couldn't write fast enough. she was very inspiring. she talked about how she's lazy and took her forever to get her shit together to begin taking her career seriously. it's so amazing to hear an oscar-nominated actress say she's lazy and needs a kick in the ass sometimes to stay motivated. and hear her say she hates the unknown and it takes work for her to engage in it. she said she's coming to the showcase! how amazing. anyway, as always, just when i feel discouraged, i begin to feel encouraged. 

today has already been a productive day. i re-wrote my script and emailed it to clark gregg (!) and am anxiously awaiting his notes. we're shooting a piece of my screenplay for my reel on may 3rd directed by clark with all this professional crew etc. it's overwhelming and exciting. i was on the warner bros lot (!) on weds auditioning (mostly doing a general for you actor types) with a couple casting directors. i nailed (i'm gonna say 'nailed'...) this in class audition for a teacher who is also a writer and producer and collected our headshots to put us in things. now it's time to shop, hit the gym, and rehearse for my friend's 'walk the line' throughline where i'm playing june carter cash. i want this life.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

not enough hours in the day.

i'm trying to do 25 hours of stuff in a 24 hour day.

blehhhh. hope all is well with you! 
(at least the weather is ballin'.)

Monday, April 13, 2009

assumptions.

hey all -

i'm exhausted, so i'll keep this brief. there are a couple of people in this program who make me confront some of my least favorite qualities in a person. you know the type? like something about them bothers me, but i try to ignore it, but then they continue to bug me. yeah i think most of those people fall into a couple categories for me - inflexible people, bitter people, quick to assume people, and entitled people. i really really really hate when a person speaks about another person with authority. like, for example, this douchebag in the program who was talking a bit about me today.  uchhhhhh first off, i think he's lame. secondly, he's completely uninspiring and makes me go on autopilot. thirdly, he's inflexible, bitter, quick to assume, and entitled. bleh bleh bleh. 

on the other hand, it's important to work with people who i don't like and rise above it. for every person who sucks, there is another one who is awesome. why is it that for all the awesome teachers etc i have, i focus on the bad one that i don't mesh well with? human nature? nah i'm over it. it helps that everyone else has bad run ins with him too. it makes me think maybe it's him and not me... 

did my film throughline today. felt really good about it. surprisingly, i got a lot of compliments on how i looked on film. it was a bit unsettling at first, but then i just let them wash over me and focused on the work. it was really quick, and i can never tell if maggie really likes me or if she hates me. it could really go either way. but i had a great time. everyone said the kiss was really hot... god, the parts i didn't think anything of were the crowd pleasers! yadda yadda it's all how a person is edited in the movie anyway. half the battle is looking good on film: check. hahaha i'm so not that girl. 

wrap up: this guy's a douche, i'll do my best work regardless, who knows if maggie likes me or hates me, and true blood is the sexiest show on TV. god, i wish i was on that show.

GOOD NIGHT! 

Saturday, April 11, 2009

spotted:

anna paquin and stephen moyer (aka bill and sookie from HBO's true blood) attending a little children's theatre in santa monica, CA. true story. i wanted to run up to them and start rambling about how much i love the show, but i decided there is no cool way to do that so i just stared a little and pretended i didn't care. . . 

. . . which got me thinking about impulses. i was thinking about all the "silly" impulses that i contain on a daily basis that i think are inappropriate or wrong or. . . well, silly. think about it! i'll have the urge (or "impulse" if you're an actor who went to the atlantic at any point in your life) to do something like wear heels to the grocery store. why? i don't know. i guess the better question is: why not? i always talk myself out of that one really easily. or i'll want to tell someone i dig their TV show. yeah um forget about it. it's not like i would harass them, but a simple 'your show is my favorite' shouldn't be inappropriate. i mean, they're about to see something at the santa monica playhouse, they should expect a little enthusiasm. at least i wasn't going to hit them with jazz hands and a musical number about the dangers of using drugs. the long and short of it is this: i'm gonna explore my silly impulses this week. most people won't notice a difference, but this isn't for most people. whenever i have a feeling, i'm gonna do it. no thinking, no rationalizing, no talking out of it. no talking! no thinking! 

i hope i bump into the cast of 'true blood' again this week. this time, i'll tell them i can't wait for season 2. 

Friday, April 10, 2009

i want a scruffy dog.

i'm struggling. a little. i think. 

in the words of all 3 years at atlantic to describe us:
'you're going through something.' // gaby marcus.

so yeah i'm going through something. oh well. i'm back.
i'm gonna watch jason ritter and marianna palka in 'good dick'. can't wait. then maybe early(ish) to bed. i want to get a lot done tomorrow. like clean my apartment. oh man. had a good day... comedy was fun. then we got in the studio to work on our VO technique. i got pretty good feedback which is always nice. then clark said again how he likes my script when he didn't have to. that's always nice too... then what's with me? maybe i'm more afraid of success than... no i'm more afraid of failure than success. so maybe it's more like i'm scared of success more than blending in. i know in my heart and head that's not true, but sometimes i get all caught up in garbage and feel like i can't go on. i just feel like a lot of time i walk alone. i feel like at the end of the day i don't get chosen out of a line up. like i will have to work twice as hard for half as much... waaaah waaaah cry me a river. build a bridge.

hope all is well with you. i think i'm just having a little 'this isn't it' moment. i'll really experience it and move on. no point in staying away from this moment. this is it.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

working girl.

today was my first day of work (!), and, of course, i kind of have a thing for the web master. oh man. i promised my dad i would cut down on the dishing, so i won't go into detail, but... he's really awesome. he started this massive virtual city that IBM wants to partner with him on. not to be boy crazy, but he's got something going on. i think i'll be seeing him every week, so i'll keep you (semi)posted. if you want more details, try facebook : ) the job is good. it's very much like my days at airshow. i think my days at airshow are over... i haven't sent the email pulling the plug yet, but i think it's only a matter of time. 

okay, so back onto the world of acting. i have a lot of ricardo stories (he asked me to be his nurse on weds..!), but i'll spare you (don't worry, dad). the most important thing you need to know is we have created an amazing reality dating show for ricardo that i think vh1 would be interested in picking up. it's called 'the fight for love'. that's copyrighted. thx. we are gonna shoot a couple webisodes this summer and put them up on youtube. we're hoping mamet will direct. or host. um yeah amazing. i'll post the links here for your viewing pleasure once the project is up and running. 

i'm becoming more and more set on the idea that i will be living in LA for a while. i don't know. i'm a very visual person and i usually can only get behind something if i can visually see myself only doing that thing. that is what brought me to LA - my vision. and now i'm only seeing myself living here for a while. it's strange. until i start seeing myself in another place, i think this is where i'll be hanging my hat. i'm very excited for my upcoming film projects. my throughline is 'true blood' and i'm playing june carter in one of my good friend's throughline, walk the line. i'm also really interested in life after the program, after school, after any sort of institution. i like the idea of being on my own... the practice i'm not excited about. i'm the last person on earth who knows how to do taxes or get insurance or whatever. but i think i'm mostly interested in making my own work. i wish the $$$ would take care of itself. oh to be young and creative... what are we gonna do? how are we gonna make it? wait, i won't bring you into this - how am i gonna make it? what am i gonna do?

good night! 

Sunday, April 5, 2009

promotional stress.

hey all -

i wish i had more stories for you, but unfortunately i've mostly just been stressing over promoting the showcase. i can't figure out to make mailing labels on my new mac. i don't know which agents to invite. there are 8 million managers, so who should get a postcard? do big industry people actually read their mail? bahhh so many questions and thoughts. oh, and school has gotten way more intense because we're nearing the end. i wish i knew i had all this showcase work in the first week... anyway, this is it. i saw adventureland last night, and i thought it was really good. i don't think i think kristen stewart is a good actress. i think she only has two expressions and she doesn't breathe... i think. i'll have to see her in something else to fully judge. that's it. this is it.

xoxoxo

oh adventureland was in new york for like a street, and it made me miss it. for the first time since i've been out here, i missed the streets of new york. i'm coming home in may.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

sh(ow)case.

wow. the showcase is rapidly approaching, and we are nowhere near ready. i had coffee with the head of last year's promo group, and she had my head spinning. ow. it's okay. i WILL do everything i need to do research-wise this weekend and then knock things off next week. we won't be too terribly behind...

enough of that. on to more interesting things... so, ricardo. listen to these exchanges, faithful readers, and then tell me he's not interested in banging me. 

the past weds in jiu-jitsu:
- i'm stretching with catherine, and we are very close with her leg up, blah blah, it's a compromising position for this kind of complicated stretch. so i'm kind of like 'is this it? do you feel it?' and ricardo starts giggling (he was GIGGGLING! like me! omfggg) and he looks at me and says 'you know you know what to do.' and i was like, 'excuse me?' (because, seriously, WHAT?!) and he repeats himself while staring into my eyes 'i know you know what to do.' okayyyy so he's maybe flirting with me..? read on.

- then i'm stretching and catherine is on top of me and i notice she keeps looking over to her side. so finally i'm like 'what?' and she's like 'sorry i'm so distracted because ricardo is staring at you.' so i turn my head and start talking to him. then catherine asks him where he lives and he says a few blocks from here (the gym where we jiujitsu) and i say 'oh yeah me too' then he says 'so we're neighbors' and i say 'yeah' then he says 'you should come over sometime' so i'm like 'yeah' then he's like 'oh i guess that would be sexual harassment' and i'm like 'no it's only sexual harassment if...' and he's like 'you know if a teacher and student...' and there's a beat. he walks away.

- okay, so things are heating up, but here's the kicker. nick and i are sparring and joking around and nick goes 'hey ricardo we should do fights like in red belt (david mamet movie that ricardo is in) where someone is, like, disabled. like their arm is tied behind their back or they can't use their legs or something.' then ricardo says (while staring into my eyes again ugh why so sexy?) 'yeah like i could blindfold meredith.' (OHMYGODAMAZING) and so i say 'uh that would be an exercise in trust.' then he says ' and i could tie you up to this fence' and i reply 'this is turning into something else.' beat. beat. he walks away. nick says 'oh my god he loves you.'

soooo then he wants the details for the party on saturday. i give him my address and phone number... so like he could call me or drop by whenevs. we are, after all, neighbors. i'm tempted to email him and tell him to bring mamet to the party. mostly as an excuse to email him but also cause i really wanna hang with mamet. bahhh okay i'll do it. now. while i'm feeling impulsive. what else to say before i sign off to write the sexiest man ever. um not much else. 

recap (in case you want to know what is happening in my life but the length of this post and/or the constant reference to a hot man intimidates you): showcase is rapidly approaching, and i feel way behind. ricardo wants me, and i want him. man, what else is there?

PS you can check out this dude i keep referencing like a creeper here: ricardowilke.com

lots lots lots.

okay i have to write another intensely girlie entry about my hot jiu-jitsu teacher. i will write the whole thing tomorrow. i'm beatttt. and all his signals make my head hurt.

quick recap: ricardo is sexxxy. acting is good. red tape is bad. things keep moving.

i'm hoping for big things. 

Saturday, March 21, 2009

sorry sorry sorry.

i'm anotherLAactress on spring break. nothing too report (acting wise). lots to report (life wise). 

gambled with rapper TI in vegas and was just shopping with actress Ali Larter in target. ho hum, i'm so famous.

miss you, courtney!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

excited excitement.

COURTNEY GETS IN TODAY!!!



edit: now that i got that excitement out of my system, i'll write a bit more about mamet's last class with us. oh and before i forget, he remembered my name. oh yes, i'm in his next movie (what was that called again, nick?) for sure. he had us learn different speeches both classes (like the declaration of independence and the gettysburg address for example) so that we can see how the words can be anything but still be engaging if the actors are saying the words with an objective. i thought i'd hate this exercise, but i was engaged. and there was really good work happening onstage. yeah. now i'll stop putting my own spin on things and take down more of his wise words for all my actors out there. non-actors: jump ahead to my awesome conversation with dave's wife, rebecca pidgeon, and other fluffy stuff. 

from the desk of d. mamet as told my m. o'leary:
- do you ever get the feeling that people are judging you when you go up onstage? get used to it or move on to another profession. it's like someone wanting to be a firefighter who can't stand smoke.
- "it's tough." "i know, but now it's time."
- text is the given circumstance of the play.
- "you're given that your mother died, it's raining, and you're in a submarine." haha i just liked his given examples. so random!
- don't pick up any emotions, etc.
- you never have to touch the text. 
- don't pick it up unless you want to carry it.
- NEVER prepare.
- you can choose a different verb in the action than to get (ie to obtain, to beg, to demand, etc)
- "um did you ever get jilted? yeah isn't that a great feeling?"
- drama is about 2 people wanting something from the other person that they aren't willing to give up easily.
- we don't wanna know about your ideas. your ideas are bullshit. we wanna see real human interaction.
- the work is in the thinking, in the figuring out.
- choose a complete-able action that you want to do. guess what? you're gonna have to do it.
- the text makes no difference. if you invest in the text, you can't invest in the scene.
- first thing mamet every heard about playwrighting backstage in a performance of the fantasticks, "if only they would just say the words."
- it's the playwright's job to be interesting. it's your job to be active.
- don't talk in actor speak. other professionals don't use bullshit jargon. use real words.
- what is the truth?
- you've gotta have pride.
- you paid for it. you earned it.
- it's habits.
- what happens if i don't?
- "i want to revolutionize fucking everything."
- yes, it hurts. the trick is not minding the hurt.
- if it's not fun, it's not acting.
- if there's something you really need, it won't matter what you're feeling when you begin. 
- 3 things every action needs: 1.) capable of being performed, 2.) something like the author intended, 3.) fun.
- when picking an action, don't pick something the scene already gives you. you don't need to do it if it's already done (ie if he's already open with you, don't choose 'let me in on a secret' etc). that work is done so you won't need to complete your action.

i couldn't write enough. mamet is truly the king on this stuff. he's such a great teacher. moving on to the gossip... i got this really cute email from kristen (johnston) about how she is sorry she can't hang out with me in LA but she's shooting the Ab Fab pilot really quick and then heading back to NYC for rehearsals for the 3rd year show she's directing (jealous? yeah me too). she also emailed me a nice pic of her on set of ab fab. i felt loved and lucky she took the time to write me while in town. esp when she has a ton going on. i then bumped into rebecca pidgeon and we had this conversation:
rebecca: "meredith, right?"
me: "yes." 
"i loved watching you work today."
"oh, thank you."
"i'm rebecca, dave's wife."
"nice to meet you."
blah blah we kept making small talk about how great mamet is etc etc. then we get on the subject of ab fab.
"do you want to see this picture that kristen johnston sent me from the set of ab fab?"
"yes. that's great. we were just there watching the pilot last night because dave's daughter is in it."
"i heard that."
blah blah we talked more about the show and stuff.

anyway, it was really cool to have a convo with her without feeling crazed. we were also driving up to class that morning and saw mamet in the parking garage so we all started waving and he waved back. it was so funny and nice. oh! and i had a very nice conversation with ricardo. he was wearing all of his clothes (so it could have been better), but it was funny. i can't wait to train with him (not-so) privately. with julie. 

spring break 09, here we go. 

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

acting schmacting.

we had the best audition technique class with acting teacher/coach bob krakower today. he was so specific about the things that attract producers, directors, and CDs when they watch actors audition for things. he was pinpointing things and moments where a director may not know what is off but just know that something is off. it was also cool to see that we can be very very physically specific WITHOUT sacrificing freedom of impulses. i think that atlantic fails at conveying that. i think they are so caught up in getting us to be "messy" in order to be free, that we don't cover the idea that we can find more freedom in specificity - in the structure or form. all thoughts thoughts thoughts.

main points he hit that i loved:
- EVERYTHING should be in service of your RELATIONSHIP with the other person. not just the other person in general. that was huge for me. yeah.
- what is going to set you apart from the others reading is your BEHAVIOR. 
- identify where you are and pretend you are in that environment. set up where you're coming from and look at those points of reference. the audience will watch what is moving.
- move in order to get want you want/move to set up your relationship. it won't look too big. most of the time, all it takes is a shoulder move or shift of focus.
- pick up the pace. if the conversation would take 65 secs IRL, then make it 65 secs in the audition. if it's banter, then banter! we know what this looks like. we know what these scenes look like. don't make them something else.
- figuring out what the moment means LITERALLY does not mean you know how to act it or you're even thinking about how to act it. you need to know what you are literally doing in every moment.
- make choices.
- set up the structure so you can have freedom of impulses. auditions are awesome when there is change. it is visually engaging.
- a video captures 150 pictures in 5 secs. you don't need to stare or go slowly. they have 150 images of you looking straight ahead at your reader. make a change. pick it up.
- don't make moments a certain emotional thing. what is it literally about? stick to that. it won't fail you (probably).

he was full of great points and took us through a couple of audition pieces this week and last week that were so so so helpful. i think he lives in LA but does a couple workshops in NYC. he is worth checking out. for real. if you have any trouble nailing an audition or if you feel dissatisfied with auditioning, i think he can help. bob krakower. 

good night, everyone. OH! and jiujitsu was AWESOME. julie and i talked to ricardo (so sexxxy) and asked him about taking lessons with him after the program is finished. he cut us a great deal. god, i think i'm in love.

*P.S. COURTNEY AND PATRICK, SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND!!!!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

true blood, true love.

i just got the BEST assignment i think i've ever gotten. we get to choose any character from film (OR TV) and then do 3-5 scenes from the movie (OR SERIES). so OBVS i'm going to fulfill my ultimate fantasy of being on true blood (you can watch eps here: www.watchtrueblood.net) and portray sookie. bahhh i've already started thinking about it. now the hard part? choosing which scenes i want to act from the show. this is so awesome! 

thank you, maggie kiley. 

deadlines.

i planned out the next couple of weeks, and then i got really overwhelmed and frustrated because i think i plan too much. i like making to-do lists and planning for tomorrow. i'm over it! i'm over it if it prevents me from doing. it's fine if it's just to make sure i'm on the right track. i'm a bit of a space case, so sometimes i need to put reminders around for me to actually get the jobs done. 

everything is good here. now that i have a minute, i wanted to write about what an amazing time i had with david mamet on friday. he is such an awesome guy with some pretty brilliant ideas. we get him wrong a lot, i think. here are some of my favorite quotes and ideas he shared. read them with an open mind and heart. he might surprise you.

- he talked a lot about fear. he told the story of a drunk searching for his keys underneath the streetlight and a cop comes over to ask him what he is doing. the drunk replies that he is looking for his keys that he lost in the alley. the cop asks why he's looking over here if he lost the keys in the alley. the drunk replies, 'because this is where the light is.' as artists, sometimes we pick the easiest thing, the thing in the light when we need to go looking in the alley - in the unknown. i love this story, and i think i will think of it often.
- jump in.
- what do you need? the script, the actor, you need resolve, you need to eradicate bad or useless habits. that's it. no need to ACT it. 
- stand up, stand still, speak up.
- a great script doesn't need your help, a bad script can't be helped. don't worry about it, it's just noise.
- look at people doing jiujitsu. it's about conservation of energy, it's not about what you put in, but sometimes about what you leave out and going where your partner is. sometimes it's just riffing. 
- the only reason to move is to get what you want.
- analysis: what is the character doing? what's my objective? and what is it like to me? that's it. it's simple. it takes 15 seconds.
- make a simple choice, then go and play the scene.
- hit your mark, look the other guy in the eye, and tell the truth. nothing else to it.
- then how do we know things about the character? we are told them. you don't act your costume, so don't act the character.
- practice. there's a magic 10,000 hours of working at something. you get better like the beatles or other greats. same for acting - practice.
- all acting is a study of lines of power, all acting should be done on the diagonal.
- "you might be able to kill me, but you can't scare me."
- don't wait around for some hollywood asshole to give you a chance, make your own work. "you end up begging someone you wouldn't have a cup of coffee with to play the 3rd junkie."
- we do all the physical and voice training to free your mind. you don't look at anything and think it's impossible.
- don't do it if you don't like it. period.
- jump in and play the scene. a surgeon doesn't stay up all night remembering what surgery is, actors shouldn't either. play truthfully in the imaginary circumstances.
- it's not about playing the doctor, it's about playing the scene, playing the objective.
- we gotta look in the alley to have fun.
- the words can be anything. that's why we love chris walken. 

he also gave us keychains. and i was the summary. he also (may) remember my name this coming friday. fingers crossed. spring break is so soon! i'm seeing patrick and courtney so soon! they can see my new LA life. i hope it is fun. then i get (part of) my family. they get to see my new LA life. i hope they have a good time. i'm planning a couple little things but i think we'll see what happens. i'm over my to-do lists. xo

"JUMP IN." - david mamet. 

Saturday, March 7, 2009

i <3 life.

not much else to say but this - i'm loving my life.
i was driving home last night, and there was all this annoying club traffic near my house because i live in a hotspot and i was like 'bah these stupid cars' and then i started laughing because it wasn't really annoying. i was having a great time watching the cars and watching the drunk girls in their skanky clothes and seeing the lights. i don't know, i'm just really really happy. i feel good here. i'm feeling healthy, successful... bahhh this is not the point of my blog. 

acting is going well. i am putting up good work in class. yesterday we worked with mamet (!!!) and he is AWESOME. i think he is grossly misrepresented in the atlantic. teachers try to quote him and it ends up being a mess. he is so clear and so honest. he also is very into brazilian jiu jitsu (who isn't?) so i think i'm gonna continue to train in it after the program is over. it's a little expensive but not that bad. plus clark gregg also trains in it. and a bunch of other working actors. okay, yeah, note to self: will continue to train in jiujitsu. will also continue to look for a job, keep writing scripts that possibly no one will ever read, keep up with nyc and la relationships, try to call people more often, and eat better, exercise much more. this is my life! i'm here and loving it. 

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

every time i stop to see if i'm ahead, the rest of the runners pass me. 

Monday, March 2, 2009

la la la land.

i'm in week 6 here in la la, and things are going pretty smoothly. butttt i've caught some sort of stomach bug. gross. i feel fine... until i'm puking. hopefully all will be okay tomorrow, and i will keep food down without feeling excessively nauseous. fingers crossed. oh, and i have cockroaches (!!!) so my building wants to do some intense spray in my apartment. i don't feel up for emptying all of my cabinets and putting my stuff into the middle of the apartment and covering it with a sheet. call me crazy, but the fumes can't be good for the gut either.

aside from the vomit and pests, life is good! the weather can't be beat, and i'm still loving the program. monday is even my least favorite of the 3 days of classes. i guess wednesday beats friday. but not by much. anyway, i'm gonna try to get things in my life taken care of tomorrow so i'm hoping for a puke-free day. i have lots of guests soon! james tison is visiting his family this week in bakersfield, so i get to see him for a night. then spring break, courtney fitzzz is visiting me for the week. i'll probs see patrick in that time too. then my family is visiting for a few days. before you know it, i'll be flying to the city for graduation and i'll get to see everyone! oh, shoot - i gotta work out the grad stuff. i don't have much else to say about acting or la la. that's all from this bulimarexic :) good night!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

beat. not defeat.

i'm totally beat because of the day i've had. i will briefly update now, and more will come tomorrow when i'm well rested and clear headed. 

had classes this morning/afternoon. as usual, my weds classes were my favorites. i'm in my 'no' cycle with ricardo so i wasn't feeling him today and he could not keep his hands off me. he even found an excuse to continue touching me after class. i know, we're dating. then jeanie was a star, and her class was awesome. i hope she calls me in to read for something soon. hope hope hopes.

then, the real highlight came: the new adventures of old christine taping! it was so, so fun! it was so amazing to see the actors perform the scenes live and adjust to changes in the script and the jokes instantly. clark was excellent. he told us not to mention to the comic that we are his students, but we were still mischievous so lila told the comic that we are part of the clark gregg fan club. then he decided that i was the president of the club and called me down to harass me. i felt awkward, but i guess i came across great. after the show was done, this guy came over to me, handed me his card, and said he's a director and he has a project in april that he thinks i'd be great in so i need to get in touch with him. oh, this town...

it's funny because as i was checking in to the warner bros studio, the security guard told me, 'you're definitely getting the job, honey. i've seen the other girls coming in for the role, and you're getting it. i'm usually right about it, too. have a good one.' i didn't have the heart to tell her that i had no idea what she was talking about, so i just smiled and said thank you while on my way. i guess i (maybe) got the job after all. 

***a BIG good luck to my sister who has just moved south! enjoy orlando, baby, and i'll see you in may!! ***

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

re-group.

today marks the first day in a while where i didn't have a rehearsal or class or any other obligation. i didn't see anyone from the program today either. it was nice and peaceful. i also got a lot done, so i'm feeling tired but productive. i know i have a lot more to figure out and i have a ton of work left to do and i feel like i need to work harder somehow... blah blah blah. i'm also in the process of convincing katie to move out here. i think she'd love it, and i'd love to have her. my lease is up in june... her lease is up in june... i'll stop now. 

more for me than you -
what i did today:
- applied for all those jobs 
- got my 24 hour fitness membership under control
- used the free car wash coupon from my building (my car smells amazing! they cleaned the inside!)
- got groceries
- learned lines/analyzed my upcoming scenes
- caught up on phone calls/emails

still need to do:
- find a job
- find a multi-person comedic scene for 3rd round film
- learn clark scene (email shawn and see who is who)
- meet up with vera re: last year's showcase
- pick postcard image for the showcase
- pick a title for the postcard

i'm in a good place. i just want to get pinkberry and be on a sitcommmm. back to the grind! love you!

Monday, February 23, 2009

i want the world.

i want a dog. i want to be able to pay my rent, phone bill, utilities, car payments, gas, food, clothes, and going out without any stress or second thoughts. i want to own an apartment in LA and NYC. i want a job to spend the day with and a nice boy to come home to. i want to be a working actor. i want to teach guest acting classes in LA and NYC. i want friends in the all the right (and wrong) places. i want one pair of really expensive shoes. i want to travel more. mostly, i just want a dog. or a fat man-cat.

just putting it out there. not too much else to report. did a breakdown scene today. went okay. am strangely exhausted so i'm gonna go to bed! good night!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

opps opps opps.

things in LA seem to fly by really fast and offers seem to be pouring in. i can't tell if it's due to insincerity or possibilities. i'm going with the former. or is it the latter? whatevs - i'm going with possibilities

current audition opportunities that seem to have been handed to the kids in my program:

-randy sklar (www.imdb.com/name/nm0804460) came and taught us a guest class a couple weeks ago. a couple of us went to see him and his twin brother do standup, and after the show they were telling us that they have a couple things coming up that they are casting and so they will get the info to maggie and call us in. just like that.

-lee cohn is our comedy teacher (sound familiar? he wrote the book on PA. literally. he wrote practical handbook!) and he told us to give in our headshots because he's casting a bunch of stuff including a pilot in the upcoming months. he wants to use us. just like that.

i couldn't get into the room in nyc, but here i am, week 4 (!!!) and there are audition opportunities left and right. it could be that these are just obligatory offers, and i shouldn't think anything of them. they are insincere, small talk. but it doesn't feel that way at all. it feels like real offers. anyway, i'm still sort of spinning by how i could not sweet talk my way into one little law and order audition without representation or the union, but here are a couple of audition offers without even doing anything. networking? is that cynical? and i'm in NO way thinking that i'm gonna land these gigs and become famous, but i'm just excited that i can actually get in the room. i didn't know how to do that in nyc. i'll worry about landing work and representation as the auditions start coming. the first step is the smallest but hardest. the first step to becoming a working LA actress instead of just another LA actress is to get in the room. is this the sound of the door actually opening? i don't know, but i'm definitely gonna learn my lines and have a ball. who knows how long any of it will last?!?

xoxoxxoxo,
m

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

gone, baby, gone.

today was a good acting day, strange life day. 

the good acting:
- good time in jiujitsu

the strange life:
- was responding really strangely to almost all comments and/or thoughts

the good acting:
- had great feedback on the little in class acting exercise with CD mara casey

the strange life:
- felt like it still wasn't good enough

the good acting:
- did scene for titus welliver from the oscar nominated film 'gone baby gone' and he loved it so much he didn't have any feedback

the strange life:
- didn't think anything of it until just now as i'm writing this

the good acting:
- getting praised for my work today by members of the group

the strange life:
- not sure if it's bullshit, networking, sincere, or some sort of combination of them all

so yeah. i'm defs feeling like i'm on top of my acting game. at least, i feel like i'm doing good work and remarkably i've been getting great feedback to match my feelings. that doesn't always happen in drama school. esp in atlantic's acting school. i don't know. acting has been so fun fun fun and so effortless for me in this program. i feel so full of joy... somehow that is scary. it's like i want to work so badly that it's becoming more precious than ever before. i don't want to lose any sense of play... the thing is (and why i'm not actually stressed) the acting part is awesome and fun and effortless. it's the life part after and before acting that i get in my head and start over intellectualizing things. oh well. 

tomorrow is another day. i just felt left behind today.

hope all is good with you! sending good energy, m.

Monday, February 16, 2009

'the quickest way to get people to NOT like you? try to be likable.'

i love acting class with the actor/writer/director clark gregg. if you don't know him, imdb him. he's done a lot of stuff as an actor including ironman, the new adventures of old christine, and he's done a lot as a writer/director - what lies beneath, choke. he also is a really nice guy. and (surprisingly) not full of shit. 

clark tells it like it is. he also talks a lot about the paradoxes of acting and, in a way, living. how if you really try to make a scene work, it doesn't work. or if you really try to be liked, you're completely unlikable. it makes me think about the energy that we are putting out in the world. i went out last night with a whole bunch of actors - working and otherwise. it was amazing to see how the actors who are working are also the people who are attractive. not attractive in a superficial way, but in a magnetic way. like, the people who are working actors are also the people who draw everyone in. not a joke. it was a literal and direct correlation. i also managed to have a couple of awkward conversations with these people (read: guys), but nothing felt awkward. everyone was going with the flow and letting everyone be okay. it's like they have engaged in relinquishing control in all aspects of life - not just acting. it's like everyday these people say, 'okay, i don't know what's gonna happen next. and that's great.' then they are on their merry little way. there were too many pay-may-stay words in those sentences, but you get the point.

i think we all have our own ideas of how everything should play out in life, from a conversation to an audition to a date to a drive to the corner store. it's much more energizing and exciting to ditch those plans and go with it. to stand wherever you're starting from and go from there. no need to try for anything, but rather work hard and see where i end up. simply say hello to the unknown and play it by ear. every moment can be bad or good but it will not be planned. and that's great.

dad, it was not raining in LA today. . . at least at the times when i left my glorious apartment. i love you!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

good dick.

i mostly just want to be an actor like jason ritter. check out the trailer for the movie his girlfriend, marianna palka, wrote and directed:

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2742812697/

i'm VERY interested in watching this movie. off to hike, learn lines, and then city sip. happy sunday!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

driving in LA.

okay, i'm an oregonian driver (and i've still got the plates to prove it!), so my only basis for comparison is oregon, but LA drivers suck. big time. in order to survive the drive, i've developed a few simple rules to blend in and avoid auto drama.

things to do when driving in LA:
1. speed up or slow down arbitrarily. especially if you've just cut in front of someone or if you're following closely.
2. don't use your turn signal. ever. no, seriously, don't even think about it.
3. drink a few beers. it's only gonna help in the long run.
4. stick with your GPS. but change the settings so the bitch doesn't take you on 14 freeways to travel 10 blocks.
5. honk honk honk.
6. if there is any room in front of the car in the lane next you, weave in between traffic. you will get there faster that way.
7. green means go, yellow means go faster, red means go fastest.
8. don't even try to turn left at an intersection when the light is green. wait for the yellow. or better yet - the red.
9. don't talk on your phone (you could get a traffic violation) but feel free to text, eat, drink, play with your radio, iPod, iPhone, blackberry, masturbate, you know - whatever comes to mind that isn't talking on the phone. unless you have a hands free, then by all means.
10. if weather is stormy, increase your regular speed by about 5-10 miles. it's raining! don't you want to get home faster?!?

i know, these rules may seem... kinda bad. but you don't want to look like a tourist do you? neither do i. oh shit, i better get back to the road. maybe i can write more at the next stop light.

xoxoxoxxoxo, m.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

too much in 'n out.

LA, i'm learning, is not exactly an eating culture. maybe i should have already realized this, but it goes beyond a few bulimarexic chicks and weirdos. like, the normals aren't really big eaters either.

i have started going for hours and hours without food, and i won't notice until i'm starving. the problem is that i'm a scatter brain, and without the non-verbal cues from other people, i can barely keep my car on the right side of the road. basically, i never see other people eating to remind myself to chomp down. and i live alone so i starve. two nights ago, i actually ate half a can of corn from the dollar tree for dinner. then i ate the other half for breakfast today. seriously. this could help my fledgling career, though, so i don't think this is a complaint. more of an observation. hollywood loves anorexic chicks and meat heads. just watch... any show on TV.

today i had a couple of rehearsals and then hiked up to the griffith observatory in los feliz. it is beautiful up there! my jiujitsu teacher (i could only blog about him, i promise) said that he tends to feel cut off from nature here in LA, but i wanted to ask him if he's spent any time in new york? yowza. here i actually see trees and animals and can drive for 5 minutes and get to griffith park or runyon canyon. it's perfect. i'm also learning that not only is LA a non-eating culture, but it's an exercise obsessed culture. there were hordes of people hiking today and running (!) up the hills. the image of runners and USC kids filming the landscape while talking loudly on his iPhone to the producers juxtaposed against the HOLLYWOOD sign gave me a strange sense of joy. i think the other actress i was with almost gave that kid her headshot and rez... almost. 

after that hike and rehearsals, i was starving so i did what any LA-er would do: i got in my car and drove through the in 'n out drive thru. hey, if i'm not eating regularly i might as well stuff my face, animal style. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

hey girl(ie) hey.

***WARNING: this post is almost entirely about my jiujitsu teacher. if you hate reading stories written by a squealing girl obsessing over the hot guy who will probs never actually look her way, then skip this post. you have been warned.***

okay, not to be a creep, but i'm slightly obsessed with my jiujitsu teacher. he will henceforth be referred to as... okay i was gonna say: 'the brazilian' because he's from brazil but that is too weird so i will just call him 'ricardo' because that is his name. this class is awesome. first of all, the whole 2 hours is purely physical. it's a partner wrestling like sport, and ricardo teaches us all of the official training moves of brazilian jiujitsu. i think it is such a crowd pleaser because we weren't expecting this at all and ricardo is so hot/pleasant and it's somehow very relaxing. there is a casual vibe as we all fight. it's kind of bizarre. okay enough of that. listen in to the transactions i had with ricardo this morning and TRY to deny we have tension. yeah.

sexual ricardo encounter #1: (by far the most important. ever.)
i walk in to the gym and see 2 actors from the show brothers and sisters training. 
ricardo walks in and goes to say hi to toby, the other trainer at the gym.
i say, 'i thought you were gonna get in on their fight just now.'
ricardo (note: picture all of his dialogue spoken with a sexy brazilian accent): 'no, just saying hi this morning.'
me: 'are there gang fights in jiujitsu?' (i'm baaaad.)
ricardo: 'oh yeah, anything is possible.'
me: 'so why not go and fight?'
ricardo: 'i don't fight, i make love.'
me: 'ahfiewigberjngpaerdfkmnvdflkmnvap um yeah me too.' high five. I HIGH FIVED HIM. I PANICKED. HE SAID WHILE STARTING RIGHT AT ME 'I DON'T FIGHT, I MAKE LOVE.' he must be toying with my emotions. and needs. and desires. 
ricardo just smiles. and i promptly change the subject to how people score points in tournaments and blah blah who cares he said 'make love' while staring at me. not be a 12 year old girl, but i almost fainted. he is so fiiiine.

sexual ricardo encounter #2:
this morning was sparring intensive. ricardo had us partner up and just riff with the moves we have learned so far. my partner was nick and at one point nick challenged ricardo to spar against him. i was standing by watching and joking about how ricardo was killing nick - no big deal. then they shake hands, and ricardo looks at me, and indicates for me to take him on next. i diiiieee. we start sparring and we're laughing and he's so fine and then our faces are faaaaar too close in the middle of class in the middle of this gym and we freeze then i make some diffusive comment about where i put my arms and we move on. kill meeeee. we end our little thing, and as i'm walking away, he reaches out to sneak attack me from behind. ohmygod so i get out of it and then attack him and we're giggling (yes, even him) and then he pulls me in for a hug. okaaaay where i come from, we have sexual tension big time. 

final sexual ricardo encounter:
class is ending and we are changing. i may or may not position myself very close to ricardo and lila continues asking him questions about hiking or whatever. i'm still involved in the conversation with them and he looks at me and mentions his EX-girlfriend. i make a joke about that and open the door for him to talk about a current flame but nothing about a current babe. i mean, i've gotten a single vibe from him from day 1, but still he confirmed it today. 

anyway, even if he isn't hot for me (but c'mon - all evidence points to yes) i think i found a really great guy to hang out with after this program. he's slightly older than me, but we have good energy together and we laugh and vibe off each other in a fun way. i thought i could be imagining these things but even a guy in my group brought up how we are flirtatious. WE. how WE are flirtatious. i know, if a guy notices, it's obvs. so that's all i really have to say...

oh, i guess i'll talk general about the program for all the people who don't want to read about that hot sweaty brazilian. we talked about our showcase today. i was elected/selected to be the head of the advertising group, so i will be emailing the industry people and getting the word out. i hope i do a good job! i think i can. i also have started focusing on my overall fitness since i can't seem to find part time work and i have a little extra time on my hands. the program is surprisingly time consuming (i mean, it's studio, i should have known...) but i have a little flexibility in my schedule. hopefully i can get my butt in shape and land a hot man by april... nyc kids, see you in may! la kids, see you tomorrow!

xoxooxoxxoxoxo stay warm, m.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

going live. take 2.

last time it wouldn't update my video blog. here is my second shot at uploading...

okay, it is refusing to upload my video AGAIN. frustrated. in my forehead. yeah.

things here are going really, really well. i will try to figure out the whole video thing and get back to you all. this update will be short because i need to get to bed. i have jiujitsu in the morning...

xoxoxoxoxox

Saturday, February 7, 2009

the sun is back.

okay, so i've missed a few days of blogging. i've been busy! life here seems to (somehow) move faster than in nyc. hmmm i think it's just my perception of how busy i am or something. clark gregg (AMAZING GUY) was talking about how resistance and fear can make him push things off and then he feels more rushed in the end. i think that maybe what is happening over here for me and the other members of my group. we are hitting resistance so we put things off and then feel rushed...? although i really do feel slammed. maybe being in pais all of last weekend put me legitimately behind and i'm trying to play catch up? it doesn't really matter, i guess. a lot has been happening though! i'll use bullet points to try to get through everything and not miss anything. i know you want to know all...

the program:
the atc la program is really, really awesome so far. week 2 is done, and i think all members of my group are on the same page with me. or at least the ones i like and talk to ;) seriously, though, i have been having a great time. there is an optimistic layer over things in la, and maybe i'll discover as i dig deeper than people here are actually not happy... bahhh i'm getting ahead of myself. we met randy sklar (of the sklar bros - they do stand up and some tv/film too), and he was awesome. a very funny, down to earth guy who offered good insight into the comedy world here in la and how we should make personal choices in auditions that mine out the comedy in a scene. i liked that. i am nervous before an audition, and i think having made a personal choice that plays to the comedy would help me out. i don't know. we also have been working with clark gregg (from 'the new adventures of old christine'), and he such a great teacher/director. our class yesterday was so on the $. he is interested in seeing people be really present and has an intense bullshit detector. he seemed to really assess where the actor was and then push them a little further. plus he said we can come to a taping (!), so i like him about 10009900098859350x more now. if poss. what else...? um jiujitsu is still the most fun i've had in my life. my teacher is still as hot as ever (seriously. i think he is even all of the guys' type), and so i think we are gonna go see him fight (!) in march. then i'm gonna marry him. obvs. yeah it's back to the intense grind of drama school, but i feel lighter somehow. maybe it's just the weather. it's hard to be angry when the sun is shining and anything feels possible.

job hunt:
i basically have started looking in the 'adult gigs' section of craigslist. enough said.

haha i'm kidding (sort of). not a lot is moving right now in la (or anywhere) with hiring, but i've been looking. i may have a couple leads on office work or PA work. the problem is i only really have tues, thurs, sat, sun to work and a lot of places are not that flexible. i will keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to anything. something good will come and along and it will feel right and be right. i've never met much opposition to finding good work - workers work.

personal:
mom, plug your ears. i may have met a boy! not just my jiujitsu teacher! la is bustling with a lot more straight possibilities than nyc. a lot of them already have girlfriends, but that's cool. i may or may not be seeing him tonight. . . oh man, i'm such a dork. it should be fun.

yeah, i better get to memorizing lines and doing more job research / agency research. if i can't find non-acting work, i should really just focus more on getting my acting work started! that's what i'm here for. hope all is well. xxx, m.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

exhausted.

hey all --

i'm beat, but i wanted to write a quick something something. i'm doing josh pais' truth and presence weekend, and i'm having a killer time. i've been thinking a lot about a lot, but here's a little thought. we are totally enough. i think that phrase got thrown around a lot in drama school for some reason (maybe susan finch said it a lot?) but i actually realized the significance of the phrase today in terms of energy. i watched an incredibly charismatic guy falter big time working in front of the group because he was taking energy instead of giving it. we take when we feel insecure and we are waiting for someone to help us in some way, but when you give energy you are engaging the audience in a different way. in the kind of way i would like to engage an audience. but yeah. if you don't think you're enough then you take energy. so GIVE YOUR ENERGY! you are totally enough! we are all enough. i want to hear your thoughts, and i want to tell you mine. i think we all want to share in this way maybe. more on this and the other joys of the workshop to come when i'm not so sleepy. this bitch is out. xoxo

Thursday, January 29, 2009

2nd day.

yesterday was my second day of studio, and somehow (okay, well i know how...) it was better than the first. this experience is kind of like when i first moved to new york and started at atc there, but it's more fun and relaxed but still focused. i think it's more fun because i'm at a different place. i'm not as concerned with how well i'm doing or how i'm going to be graded? it feels like i'm doing everything for me or for the sake of doing something fun and that i enjoy doing. it's a shift. and i think the people in the program are all in different places than we were when we first started out. my year got a little catty after 3 years together. . . moving on.

weds:
we started the day with jiujitsu. PS EVERYONE SHOULD DO JIUJITSU. RIGHT NOW. i thought it was that really dumb, slow karate (what is that called?) that i sometimes saw people doing in washington square park, but it is so not that. it is like full body contact wrestling. seriously. it was so sexual and physical and... frankly, pretty hot. PLUS our teacher is this amazing looking brazilian man named ricardo. he threw me around a little... and i wanted him to throw me around a lot. a lot, a lot. it was such a blast!  then we had lunch and went off to our auditioning class with jeanie bacharach. she has cast many shows and is currently working on brothers and sisters. i've never seen the show, but my sister likes it and, let's face it, i would flip to even audition for it. jeff mentioned on the first day that she brought in a lot of people from his class to read, so i'm hoping we get the same shot. 

aaaand i actually went out (!) with people (!!) last night to see my friend (!!!) paul play guitar at this lounge (all bars in LA seem to be called a lounge for some reason) near my house. i think i might be making friends. the people in the program are really relaxed, and there doesn't seem to be much drama brewing. i guess there is a bit of this and that, but that's people. i think whenever you put two people together there is energy generated between them. sometimes that is positive and sometimes it is negative. it's just chemistry or something. nothing wrong with that. anyway, i think i'm making friends which is awesome because i was worried if i was lucky i'd have to choose between a career in LA or a life in NYC - if i was VERY lucky that would be my dilemma. it might not be like that after all! bahhh and i have committed impulse weekend this weekend. i'm a happy, happy girl :)

also, my sister bought me a gps, and it just came in the mail, so i was thinking i might try it out and drive over to ikea. or maybe just target. or amer pear. i need yoga pants for my movement classes. we'll see. my car is stuck in the car garage because i pulled it all the way in and another car parked behind me because the last time i pulled it up so no one could park behind me the guy yelled at me and said 'pull all the way in' and i was like 'but i'll get jammed in' but the attendant told me he could allegedly move the other car and get it out for me. i don't believe him, though, because if it was my car blocking another car he doesn't have my key to unjam that car. stupid, mean garage attendant. oh the joys of auto drama in LA. it's a small price to pay for this weather, the program, my apartment, and i might actually be making friends already. it's hollywood, baby, and i finally feel like anything is possible. even getting my car out of the garage. . . or loving jiujitsu? who knew my favorite class would be some wrestling class? oh my.  xo, m.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

first day.

yesterday was my first day of studio. it was very fun and surprisingly intense. we had movement, lunch, voice, then film. back to the 10 to 630 grind of drama school! no, seriously, it was a good day. 

movement was good, not as good as george's class (obvs), but good nonetheless. the teacher wants to focus on strength building (yuck), cardio (double yuck), and different styles of dance. then in voice we tremor-ed for an hour. my whole body was practically convulsing. i guess it's the fitzmorris approach or something. i don't know. DW never made us do that shit. we had very prissy voice classes compared to this class. after those physically demanding classes, we had on camera acting  class with maggie kiley (!). she has moved out here but i totally didn't know that. i guess cynthia silver (!!) is out here too performing bridezilla blah blah, and if she gives us tix to a preview or something i'm defs going. that would be a great story, i'm sure. film with maggie was... film with maggie. i have already had her as a film teacher and so i kind of know what to expect from her. it was nice to see the whole group get up to do a monologue, though. it was interesting to see a whole new group of people act. silently judge them? of course. size up my competition? naturally. cry softly in the corner to myself silently telling myself over and over i'll never make it? duh.  nahhh it is a group like any other with people i am interested in and others who bore me. and i'm sure i perked up some ears and others checked out. tis the nature of the craft. i have class again weds - this is my day off. i'm gonna putz around and maybe look for a part time/weekend gig in my area. then poss hit up a yoga class at 6 when i figure out my 24 hour fitness membership. something about 24 hours of fitness rubs me the wrong way. it's like a deli but for fitness. anyway. 

i'm beginning to think that this life is much like my life in nyc.  just with warmer weather and a car.  oh and no friends.  baby steps, m, baby steps.  hope you're all keeping warm! xoxox

Saturday, January 24, 2009

the hollywood tower.

hey!

sorry for my delayed update... A LOT has happened, and i'm feeling a lot more settled in now. i got my internet yesterday, so i can finally update you all on my life here in hollywood. it is strange, but enjoyable. so far.

first of all, the ride down:
i made a bad decision (duh). i went out hard the night before i drove down from portland to LA with my dad, and i was drunkity drunk drunk. i can barely remember the end of the night and woke up in a haze. i stumbled out of bed, climbed into the car, and after about 2 hours of fast and windy driving, i felt sick. very sick. i puked out of the car door and felt horrible the whole drive down. yes, really. it was so embarrassing, and i felt so bad for destroying the fun father-daughter road trip my dad had talked about. oops. so, anyway, we get down to concord, CA, visit my grandma, pick up my sister, and start heading down to LA. then we get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere on I-5. yes, really. my dad takes out the spare but it's like a mini tire that can't make it, so we call AAA and they come but can't help so we drive to the nearest walmart and get a new tire. that was all the road trip drama. whewww.

the apartment hunt:
okay, craigslist was misleading. i'm the first to admit i was a bit blindsided by LA's renting market. it's less than the city, but not by much. i managed to get a good deal on a place in hollywood off the 101 and close to school, but it's a bit more than i thought i was going to pay. it's AMAZING, though. i will have to post some pictures once i figure out to attach them to this blog thing. i'm in a massive studio, and i've gotten some good deals on a bed and couch off craigslist. ikea is close by, too, so i've gotten some good stuff from there. basically, if you want to live in a less secure area with street parking, then you can get a studio for $850/mo. if you're looking for a safer area with gated/secure parking, you're looking at about $1200 and above. yikes, i know.

the program!:
i had orientation today, and, guys, i have to admit - it seems AWESOME. we have a lot of classes every week like movement, voice, jujitsu (right?), auditioning with the casting director of brothers & sisters, film with maggie kiley, a comedy class, showcase class, getting our reel figured out with clark gregg, and then a bunch of really cool guests come in every weds and fri. we're having class with the director miller tobin this friday, and there's a long line of others. plus the class is really small, so i feel like i will get some good face time, for whatever that's worth. i have josh pais' workshop this weekend, so that's another great outlet for me at the perfect time. my sister leaves tomorrow so i will be alone. yeah, i'm gonna need some pais in my life. i'm feeling like i'm going in the right direction... and i'm feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. seriously, my parents are killer.

things are definitely moving in this town, and i don't know if i'll want to stay here for very long, but it feels like the place to jump off and get started. i may want to eat these words in may when i'm still unemployed and wishing i was in nyc, but for now i'm very very content and excited for whatever may come my way, for whatever that's worth. xoxo, m.